Friday, October 27, 2006

My Computer….

I have discovered that I have a relationship with my computer. My wife is aware of this so it’s o.k. It is a love-hate relationship. When my computer works, I love it. When it doesn’t…I hate it!
I believe my computer to be an aesthetic adolescent…really. Let me explain. It sits on my desk looking stately and intelligent. Then, when I go to use it, it doesn’t want to work. We all know teenagers just like that. When I make it work, it gets an attitude. It will slow down, or not display all the information. And just when I think I have it under control, it starts correcting me. You can’t do this. You can’t do that. Line error. Then my computer will mock me by speaking in code. "Error 17". It knows that I don’t know what error 17 is. If I listen really hard, I can hear my computer snickering when I turn my back.
I also don’t like the company it keeps. My computer hangs around this other adolescent called "internet" and gets my computer into trouble. Internet behaves in front of me because it knows that I’ll pull the plug on ‘em. However, when I’m not watching, Internet will coerce my computer to go anywhere. I can usually tell when they take one of those trips together because my computer will get sick and come down with a virus. Of course, I’ll have to be the one to pay the bill for it to get better.
I can’t discipline my computer for its behavior. It has no feelings. So, it won’t do any good to spank it, or speak harshly to it. The only sense of satisfaction comes when I exercise the only real power I have over my computer. I turn it off. And that my friends, is a power that no one has over a teenager!